Dueling Conversations/Racy Commercials

The wife and I have a unique way of having conversations these days. I love it when she tells me about work. I really do. Because for so long, she didn't have that. She gets so excited and animated when she talks about it. It's great; I'm genuinely happy for her... But after she's done, and I start to tell her something that's on my mind, she goes back to the other conversation. I'm sorry, I thought we were done with that conversation! So I let her finish, and then I go back to what I was saying, and I feel like an idiot. By no means am I minimizing what she has to say. But, can I get just one word in?  And then there are the times where we are having a dual conversation; I love talking about two things at once, as long as we can both follow each other! The other night, she was telling me something about work (big surprise) and I was talking about (gasp) writing. I was listening to her. I think she was listening to me. And yes, this happens a lot now that she is working again, and I am not.  The best is when we ask one another about a detail of the conversation we [thought] we were having with one another, and the questionee has no idea what the questioner is talking about. Sometimes we get pissed off at each other for not paying attention. Most of the time though, we end up laughing about it. On a positive note, we will never run out of things to talk about! I secretly look forward to the dueling conversation!

On a different note

These POM Wonderful commercials are pretty damn provocative. Sensual. Racy even. Especially for American television. I've seen a lot of risque European commercials, but these POM Wonderful commercials are really going up to the line and dancing on it. Personally, I like them. I think they're great. I hate censorship. I actually want to give kudos to the writer and director of these commercials. I'll have to pay attention to when they air and what channels they air on... Naaah, fuck it. I'll just put the videos in below.

Mr. Momday: Parenting from the Male Perspective

I just started this whole Mr. Mom thing. I'm going into week four. And I have a job interview this week. I don't know if I want to give up being a stay-at-home dad just yet. But unemployment isn't exactly the fast-track up the ladder of success. It's bittersweet. On one hand, I love being home with the kids. I don't mind cleaning the house. I don't mind doing the laundry. I enjoy it for the most part. On the other hand, my brain is turning to mush. I do miss working. Having more than just a few seconds of the day to myself (other than the quiet time of the day (night) when everyone else is sleeping kind of sucks! But I'm getting what most dads don't: Time to watch the kids grow up. So many fathers work their asses off, go home eat dinner, work a second job, go home and pass out. They see their kids at dinner and on the weekends if they're lucky. Other dads are just plain workaholics because it's in their blood. So they become weekend warriors. I want the best of both worlds. I have got to find a way to actually get paid to work from home, not just write my blog and screenplay when the kids are napping or when the whole family is sleeping. Dammit I need to make money so that we can move on up to the East Side!

On another note:
Kid C is really digging his new found independence feeding himself. Cheerios are his new favorite food. He's also chowing down on raviolis, pastina and peas, and yogurt. The dog is his new best friend. She gets all of his randomly dropped scraps, and she loves cleaning his highchair when he is done eating. His diapers, on the other hand, well... Let's just say I wish I could go back to baby food!

And now for something completely different:
I can't wait to get my second car fixed and back on the road. Then I won't feel exiled here at home with Kid B & Kid C while the wife is at work. Another week or so, and my banishment will be lifted. Thank god! Funny thing is, I'll be getting the minivan, and the wife will be getting the second car (Subaru Forester). I've grown to miss the Subaru, but I dig the Chrysler Town & Country that I bought last year for my wife. Guess I have turned into Mr. Mom all excited about driving the Swagger Wagon!

My Ride



Okay, so my swagger wagon isn't exactly as nice as the one pictured above! And, I may have to think about a newer car to replace the Subaru pretty soon, too. First things first, though. Need to get it back on the road again so that we can all  be mobile!

Zen and mush...

I'm trying to figure out what to do with this blog and where to take it... But right now, after week three of being with the kids, my brain has turned to mush. So this is my Half-Assed Weekend Post, a little early.





Kudos to Simple Dude for the idea. His blog is hilarious, check him out if you haven't yet. So on to my whining... Is it turning into a parenting blog? It sure seems that way. Did I intend it to be so? No, not really. But, when you're immersed in it for 24 hours a day, it seems that you just can't turn it off.  And since I am not the same escapist I used to be, there's no real way to run away from it, or at least get away from it for a little while. The big and small issues of parenting are always on your mind (and sex of course! I AM a guy) except when they are asleep (and being with the kids all week serves as a great form of birth control).
So I am trying to plan out what type of posts to do during the week, as to not be redundant with my ramblings and whining about the kids. Maybe a reflective memoir will be one day's post. Could be a way for me to become Zen-like, by recalling my past adventures/mis-adventures. One day may be devoted to the music that I'm listening to, which is definitely eclectic, ranging from old blues to dub-step and indie rock, with everything in between-except for maybe rap and country (sorry, not into it). Monday will be my Mr. Momday, dedicated to some topic relating to parenting from the male perspective.  
So help me out and tell me what you might want to read about. Tell me what you think of the posts you're reading here. Give me some feedback. Email me  Leave me comments. Join my Facebook fan page. Leave me comments there. Follow me on Twitter @zendiablo76. Tweet me. Join as a follower of this blog and comment here...
It's time to get the family ready for Story Time at the local Barnes and Noble, so in the vein of being a truly Half-Assed Weekend Post, adios and have a good weekend.

Perpetuating myths/baby food

I am the Tooth Fairy.



I am also Santa Claus.



And the Easter Bunny.


It's a very dangerous job perpetuating these myths. Every time I perform an act under the guise of one of these beloved characters, I run the risk of getting caught. Especially the damned tooth fairy. Whoever said, "You know, I think we should tell kids to put their recently lost teeth under their pillows, and then we'll go take said teeth and leave money in their place?" Because quite frankly, I'd like to punch them in the face. Not because it costs me money, in fact this is cheap. No, because I run the risk of being caught by Kid A. Someone else said, "Let sleeping dogs lie." I think we should heed that advice and apply it to our children too! 'Cuz man, when they find out the truth, they're gonna be pissed!

On a different note
Kid C decided last night that he no longer wants to be fed pureed jarred baby food. The wife cut up some spaghetti last night and put a little cream sauce on it for him, and he had a blast feeding himself. So, how exciting for me, I now get to create new and exciting foods from normal human stuff for him to gnosh on with his three teeth. Especially at breakfast, because Gerber Graduates Snacks like puffs, lil' crunchers and yogurt melts just aren't going to cut it for breakfast. On a positive note, that's less money I'm going to be spending on jarred baby food now and less time I'll actually be feeding him! ! I guess it's time for more stage three foods...

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Mr. Momday/Cable Update

Ok, so I've decided to re-vamp the blog, and combine my other blog with this one. It's just too much to try and write two blogs and a screenplay at the same time. So, with that said, Mondays will henceforth by Mr. Momday posts. Since my last rant about the pain-in-the-ass cable company, I took matters into my own hands. After bitching on the phone to every rep they gave me while getting the runaround from them all day the day before, I dsecided to just return the new boxes to a local office. Twenty minutes after I got home from my field trip to the cable payment center, my replacement boxes actually worked! 

Today I was watching PBS Kids with Kid B. The cartoon Franny's Feet was on. For those not familiar, this is the premise: Franny hangs out with her Grandpa at his shop all day. He's a shoemaker. People come in and drop their shoes off, Franny takes the shoes and puts them on, then proceeds to have an imagined adventure. Her feet take her somewhere new every time. At the end of the adventure, the shoes have actually been fixed. So, my issue is this: Are we teaching our kids that it's okay to wear other people's shoes? Kind of disgusting if you ask me. I know it's just a cartoon, and she's not really putting them on, but the kids watching it don't know that. Point to  ponder. Check out an episode below. It really is a cute show.

And while we're on the subject of kids shows, what's up with Max and Ruby on Nick Jr? Where the hell are their parents? Nobody knows. Thank god Grandma lives next door!

On another note:

My wife left her cell phone at home today completely by accident. I realized how much we take text messaging for granted. Several times today, I went to text her about something that happened, or something that I wanted to mention to her. But I realized Duh, you can't! Even though she's at work every Monday through Friday, I missed her more today because I wasn't in contact with her at all today. Not that we text each other every other minute, but she sends me messages when something funny happens at the pee-pee doctor's office, and I text her shopping lists at the end of the day, or other stupid shit. The funny thing is, we'll actually have something to talkabout when she gets home tonight!

Lazy Blogging/Cable Rant

I have just become the world's laziest blogger. That's right, I'm not even typing anymore. Voice to text recognition on my HTC Droid Incredible right into Evernote is amazing. It's got some minor drawbacks; not every word is well recognized perfectly but it works. I still have to do some editing and minor proofreading but I am freakin' amazed. I now have absolutely no reason not to blog. My posts will never be too short because I'm too tired to type.

So on to bigger and better things. I need to rant. I recently ordered a new digital cable service from a local cable company. Reasonable and competitively priced products, I was excited about the new service. But it came time to receive the boxes, which I ordered via telephone and paid for priority/overnight shipping, and I waited and waited... Apparently priority/overnight shipping is actually three day shipping. The same type of shipping I would have gotten for  1/3 of the price. Hmmm. The boxes finally arrive on that third day, and I proceed to perform a self-installation. Simple, I've done it several times before. It doesn't take a genius to connect coaxial cable to the cable in and from the cable out to the tv(yeah I still have CRT TVs)... Oh, and you can't forget the power cords.


To make a long story short, I lost a day of my life to the idiots at this cable company, because their hardware  came pre-installed with the wrong software! All day I have a screaming baby, a grumpy toddler, and an ever-increasing headache as I wait on the phone and troubleshoot (the same way over and over) with the idiots on the phone from the cable company. All day, to find out that the damn software is wrong. So now, I need a tech to come out, and he won't be out until Thursday. It's Monday. These fucking boxes should be working. I received them at 10:25AM. They should have been activated and I should have been watching the fucking Price is Right at 11:00! At 4:30PM, I hang up the phone, disgusted beyond belief. 


I'll hopefully be getting a phone call at 8:30AM from a very nice supervisor from Cherry Hill in regards to my expedited service call. I'll also be receiving a generous credit on my first 6 months of bills, or HBO free for a year. Whichever, I'll take it. It's a good thing I can entertain my kids without the boob tube, but man I love my DVR!

So Much For Resolutions

It's been a few days, and obviously I have already broken one of my resolutions. Oh well, fuck 'em. Never did like resolving to do much of anything. I either do something, or I don't. So, I now resolve to stop making trivial promises to myself. Committing to do something is one thing, and making resolutions is another thing, a stupid thing. So, I'm beginning to fall back on the old Nike slogan: Just do it. So, I'm committing to finishing my first film treatment this week. Yeah, holy shit, I'm giving myself a deadline.  It's about time. I have three other projects I need to finish as well, so now's the time.

On a side note, I've been checking out some new Indie acts like Menomena, Florence and the Machine, and Mumford & Sons. 

Check out some of their You Tube videos below.

Menomena

Florence and the Machine

Mumford and Sons

Alright, this has officially been my Half-Assed Weekend Post. Kudos to Simple Dude in a Complex World. Check out his blog.

Day One

So far, pretty painless. Delayed opening for Kid A, Kid B cried when Mommy left this morning and then wanted to stay in her bed indefinitely, and Kid C won't take his bottle or eat anything. It's only 12:30 PM, so there is still hope for him. He's going to get hungry! Kid B is okay now, she actually ventured out, ate breakfast, and is playing with her dolls. After repeated attempts at feeding Kid C, I've given up. He'll let me know when he's hungry. I think he is really missing Mommy...

It seems as though Kid C is off schedule by about four hours. It's 2:30 and he just decided to eat breakfast. He took a short nap and then finished his morning bottle. He doesn't seem to want me to put him down for more than 3 seconds, but that's going to be put to an end pretty soon. I understand that this is a transition, so he may be a little needy, so I won't Ferber him or anything! But, in the long run, after this transitional phase is over, shit has to get done. He will not be 10 months old sitting on my hip half of the day. Time to plan dinner.

I actually got a couple of things done today: I brushed the dog and went through a pile of bills and paperwork.

Kid C is finally napping. It's 5:30 and I need to make dinner. One little problem: He's napping on me. Kid A did his homework. Kid B didn't die of boredom, though she has asked when Mommy is coming home a half dozen times (at least).

Big plus: Kids A, B and C are all still alive, and I haven't burned the house down... Yet! My wife should be calling any minute to say she is on her way home. As soon as I make dinner, I'll consider today a success!

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Reviews & Resolutions

I have never made a New Year's resolution list in the past. I always thought they were stupid. Yeah, there were a few years where I said I was going to quit smoking, but that never lasted more than a couple of hours. Why start this year? Because this year needs to be better than last. Last year's highlight was the birth of my youngest son. It was a shining moment, he is my shooting star.  And then there was the lowest point, when I got the boot from my job.

So now it's time to make those changes I bitched about before. So, here it is:

• Write every day.
• Get into shape. I got the P90X DVDs, lets see if I have what it takes!
• Finish the screenplay (and start a new one)!
• Sell the screenplay.
• Get paid to write.
• Start re-paying the student loans off (deferment only prolongs the pain).
• Spend more time with the family (I think I have that one covered).
• Travel more.
• Laugh more.
• Save money.
• And last but not least, buy a house!

I don't think it's an unattainable list of resolutions. We'll see. If you see a new post on either of my blogs every day, you'll know my first resolution is being kept!

This is it!

Well, this is it... Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! No, no, just kidding. Tomorrow is the first day of Mr. Momdom. That's right. My wife is going back to work, and my unemployed ass is going to be doing housework and watching the kids. I'm pretty sure I'm qualified for the job, but I may require a lobotomy by the end of the day. I'm going to call it a week before my brain turns to mush from being home by myself with them.

I am not saying that I don't like my kids. I love them. But I have always been the breadwinner. And I've been the one to come home and say, "YOU go to work all day and see how it feels..." The tables have turned. My wife is grinning from ear to ear, knowing that I now get to see how she has lived for the past year, taking care of the kids, being stuck at home all day with no other real adult interaction.  Haha, the last laugh is on me. I know.

I'm going to make sure dinner is ready for her when she gets home from work. I may still have my apron on when she walks through the door!

Postmodern Neo-Hippies of the World Unite!

So, here it is. I'm starting over. It's a new year. I'm letting it all hang out. I used to consider myself to be a neo-hippie. I had long hair, went to jam band concerts, smoked weed, wore tye-died t-shirts. Yes, I saw the Grateful Dead when Jerry was still alive! And I'm very proud of that. Now, I'm not that different. I don't smoke weed any more. I shave my head, even though I have a full head of hair. Why? Because it's a no maintenance do. And I'm vain, and I'd probably never leave the house if I had hair long enough to have to actually brush, gel, or style. I'm not a tree-hugging liberal. I'm not a tea partier. I'm not a dirty neo-hippie (I shower sometimes twice a day). I'm not a chauvinist, nor a misogynist. I love my wife, and she loves me. We just switched places professionally. I just took on the domestic role, and she is now about to take on the bread-winning role.

Yes, I will be keeping up with Days of Our Lives. I will be seeing my 7-year old son off to school (Kid A). I will be taking care of my 9-month old son (Kid C), and my 4-year old daughter (Kid B). I will be making lunch for everyone, and preparing and cooking dinner most days.

So now, I'm re-labeling myself: I am now a postmodern neo-hippie because I'm not part of the establishment anymore. I grew up, but didn't turn into a friggin' neo-yuppie. I almost did, with my stint in advertising. But alas, I'm now unemployed, staying at home, honing my skills as a father and blogger (gasp)! Maybe I'll even finish my screenplay if my ass can come up with a damned ending. Maybe that should be one of my resolutions in addition to doing the whole P90X thing. Oh well. I guess we'll see!