Mr. Momday/UPDATE

Well, my days as a stay-at-home-dad are numbered.
That's right,  I will no longer be able to compare myself to Michael Keaton's character in Mr. Mom. Of course, I know I'm still better looking, and I'm not the bumbling idiot he portrayed in the movie! With that stated, I had a second interview that just changed everything for me. And I must say, it's bittersweet. I love being home with the kids, and I am trying to make it a reality where I can stay home and generate an income. Even when I go back to work outside of the home, I will still be working on coming back to being a stay-at-home-dad. That's right, you read it here, I actually want to keep doing this. As soon as it's lucrative to do so, I'll return home. And stay home.

So for a while, I'll just be another opinionated father/husband/writer, ranting and raving about everything, anything and nothing. This Mr. Momday post will continue, and it will probably float around the week. And fret not, there may be longer breaks between posts because I am in the middle of packing and moving. After the first of the month, things should settle down and I'll be back to semi-regular posts, probably three a week. Maybe more if I'm feeling frisky!

Today was a strange day. Kid A was off from school for Presidents' Day. We spent the first half of the day packing up the playroom. Let me tell you, packing toys with kids is fun. Believe it or not, amidst the Don't throw that out (Kid B to me),  Are you packing or playing? (me to Kid A and B), and the various noises from Kid C we actually manage to get about three quarters of the room done. Then, since it was such a nice day out, they went outside. It was the first nice day of pre-Spring, hopefully an omen of good weather to come!


Suburbia really isn't that bad.
I had my first taste of the neighborhood as a dad today. Everyone was out. All of the kids were playing up and down the street. And I didn't freak out. I left my OCD, phobias of lunatic neighbors and strangers, and the rest of my neurosis inside. Kid C and I took a walk; I pushed him in his umbrella stroller, up and down the street until he fell asleep. Kid A played with his friends, Kid B tagged along, and they both made some new friends along the way. It's a shame we're moving. Oh well, they can always come back to play with their friends, and vice versa. Thankfully, we're not moving far away... I'm sure the new neighborhood will be just as friendly.

The new house awaits.

The view from the back.

Do you think we overdid it?

Ok, so the pics above are really of Marc Ecko's place in Bernardsville. Regardless, I am really looking forward to moving and finally putting real roots down. The kids will have their own rooms. I'll have my own space, even though I have to make it myself in the two-car garage. The kids will also have a playroom. Finally, a place we can call our own!

People Piss Me Off, or Have Manners Gone by the Wayside?

It has been said that chivalry is dead. I think manners are too. Being polite just doesn't seem cool anymore. I notice it more and more in public. At restaurants. In grocery stores. At doctor's offices. In department stores.

I see it mostly in the grocery store. Dueling carts. I'm going one way down the aisle, the other person is coming down the aisle from the opposite direction. It's like a game of chicken. No one wants to say the dreaded phrase, excuse me  or pardon me.  What the fuck? Don't look at me like I have three heads when I say it to you! Say excuse me too, you're excused, that's okay, or go ahead and get over it. I say it. I say it all the time. If I don't, it's a stare-down. People are anti-social freaks. They're afraid to talk to each other. And they lack manners.

It's especially funny when it's the whole family in the store. The wife is pushing the cart with Kid C sitting in the toddler seat. I'm trailing behind with Kid A and B. All of a sudden, we spot them: two people walking towards us pushing carts. They can barely fit down the aisle to pass each other. Then there is a stack of merchandise sitting on the floor by the shelves. And us. So the question is, Who's going to say excuse me first? The wife and I play a game in the store, seeing if anyone will actually say it. I'm going to venture a guess and say that 95% of people don't say a damn thing. Especially not excuse me. Even when they practically run into you because they're talking on the phone or not paying attention when they round a corner.

Then you have the people at restaurants. I have worked in restaurants as a waiter. I have worked in retail behind a counter, serving people. Politeness and manners go a long way in the service industry. If you gave me your order, chances are, I am going to give you what you want. I always tried to give good service with a smile and a thank you, because it makes it so much easier for both of us.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, or I spent too much time in the business. But when I go out to eat, I say please and thank you. I say it when I order. I say thank you when I receive my food. I say please when I ask for a refill on my drink. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe it's my OCD.

Shit people. These things are drilled into our heads when we're kids. Do we forget them? Has society failed to recognize the good in being polite and practicing good manners? Nobody gives a shit any more. Excpet my wife and I. I'll be damned to raise kids that don't say please, thank you, and excuse me!

Half-Assed Weekend Post: The things they do to get your money!

So the wife and I are getting our shit together so that we can get pre-approved for a mortgage. It's time to buy a house, considering that we have three kids and a dog! We are doing the obligatory cleansing of our credit, paying down balances on credit cards, clearing up discrepancies on our credit reports. Lo and behold, we get a letter in the mail from a collector for my wife during the process. It's for a Victoria's Secret credit card she swears she paid off before we even started dating, which would have to be about fourteen years ago. The thing doesn't even show up on her credit reports. That's not the funniest part though. I am bewildered at the lengths these collections companies will go to, especially when trying to get you to pay them for a debt that isn't even valid. Which is why I guess this all makes sense. You see, they sent her a four page catalogue of products she could get for free if she pays off her alleged debt, A.K. A. completion of their Gift Reward Program. So this is how valueless debt gets rewarded? You'd have to be a complete moron to fall for this scam. But, I figured I'd put up some snapshots of the catalogue and pics of my favorite items in it. 

Pay off your debt that is not even showing up on any of the three credit reports, and you can get one of these! There's also a Nintendo Wii and a Dyson Vacuum cleaner. I should report these freaks to the Better Business Bureau! Just found this little nugget on the web.
Rjm Acquisitions Llc.  I guess I was right!
ZD

Friggin' Friday Post: How to Choose Fresh Seafood

So, my new Friday post is going to be the Friggin' Friday post, kind of a free-for-all, free form post. It's like the bastard child of Simple Dude's Half-Assed Weekend Post, which I have also adopted.

Only Friggin' Friday has just a little more thought put into it. You never know what I'm going to write about. So today, I'm going to cheat and point you to my Helium article:

HeliumHow to choose fresh seafood

Mr. Momday/Venting

Parenting Venting from the Male Perspective
Okay, so this post is a few days late. So sue me! Here it is: I love my kids, but I need to go back to work! Right now, the highlight of my week is being able to run to the store by myself when the wife gets home from work. That's right. Me time equals grocery shopping. Or when everyone else is asleep, and I hop on the computer to write. That's when I'm not too tired and pass out on the couch watching TV.

My week has its structure: Monday, Wednesday and Friday I clean the house from top to bottom. I start early, feed the kids, send Kid A off to the bus, drink my breakfast (coffee and a smoothie) all while cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, disinfecting, etc. I'm usually done by noon. By then it's craft time for Kid B, and then lunch time. Nap time for Kid C comes next and after that Kid A gets off the bus and it's homework, snack, cleanup time and then I make dinner most weeknights. Tuesday and Thursday  are laundry days. Not having a working vehicle restricts me to the house-especially on laundry day! Once that changes I will be sooo much happier. I may sound like I'm bitching. Well, I am... It's bittersweet. If I could stay home with the kids and make money from home, I would be in heaven!

The strange thing about it all is this: I do have a job offer looming over my head. It's a matter of getting the second car fixed (happening next week) and finding daycare or a nanny. Kid B and C need a caregiver during the day, and I also need someone to get Kid A on the bus watch all of them when Kid A gets home from school. The offer seems to be real, but I also feel like I'm getting strung along. The fact that it hasn't started yet is a blessing in disguise, with the transportation and daycare issues.

Ironically, I know someone who is willing to be our nanny, or rather manny. At the same time, I am wondering if I just haven't been resourceful enough to figure this all out without me going back to work outside of the home. I know that there is something I can do... some way for me to work for myself and take care of the kids... Well, there's always tutoring. And of course, because I am not a certified teacher, I am a little fish in a sea of big fish. So basically, I'm fucked.

So, what do I do? Embrace my role as a stay-at-home-dad, and make my living on the internet doing some kind of niche blogging, monetize, etc., and continue my creative writing while I play house and raise the kids? Or do I go back to the seafood industry and switch from retail to wholesale and sell my soul to another devil? Hmmmm.

(Vague) Transitions... A.D.D. Blogtweeting

As a writer, I sometimes struggle with transitions. I write stand-alone scenes or chapters, and agonize over how to fit it all together. As a father and husband, transitions can be frustrating, wonderful, scary, but welcome. But it's always nice to prepare for transitions, rather than just thrusting yourself into one. Someone once said, "Change is good." But change can be terrifying. Especially if you have a horrible fear of the unknown. Because that is what comes with change, after the transition. Starting the transition is hard, but finishing it...

I babble. Incessantly. I know. Not necessarily musing. More like A.D.D. Blogtweeting.  I think I just invented a new word. Or maybe it's out there already. Who knows?! Maybe I'll google it. Some day, this will all be dialogue in some epic [horrible comedy] movie I write.


Wtf Graphics & Funny Wtf Pictures

Right now, I am trying to embrace change. I am trying to initiate a smooth transition into the next chapter of my life. I am ecstatic about it! But I am also a little scared. It's a healthy amount of fear. But I know that the next chapter is one of stability and relative certainty. I am sick of instability, volatility, and uncertainty. I am ready to breath a sigh of relief and finish tip-toeing around on eggshells.

One thing is certain: I love my wife and kids. That will never change. Places may change, jobs may change, but love, family, and dreams are forever.

So at the risk of sounding trite, I turn to some literary allusions: I am ready to cross the next bridge. I will not burn it, but I am done mending fences. And should you come looking for me, I'll be on the road less traveled, because goddamn it, it's more fun there!

I'm looking forward to moving on. And in this case, moving on means moving forward. So in essence, I'm looking forward to moving forward. Mumbo jumbo.
ZD