WTF? Bacon and Face Painting

Remember when Daddy brought home the bacon and Mommy stayed home? Growing up as a little kid, that's the way it was. Granted, Daddy worked two jobs.

In the '50s, Dad worked. Mom stayed home, raised the kids, cooked dinner and baked, all while keeping the house nice.

In the '60s, the sexual revolution and women's lib changed everything.

In the '70s, more and more women became independent, working professionals just like their male counterparts. By the early '80s, the latchkey kids were coming home to empty houses, and then we dipped into a recession.

The women who were still stay-at-home-moms started to supplement their husband's pay with part-time jobs. This is when my mom would clean houses to help us stay comfortable. My mom went back to work full time sometime in the mid 80s. We had come out of the recession, and by the '90s, even more women had entered into the workforce... I remember being in High School and noticing that almost all of my friends parents both worked. I would venture to say that about 50% of both parents had full-time jobs, and another 30%  of the mothers had part-time jobs.
Now, in 2011, it's tough to struggle with one salary supporting a family. I don't know any couples who are married with kids, and not both working full-time jobs, struggling to keep a roof over their heads and food on their plates. Except for us. I am lucky to have a wife who currently stays at home with the kids. I have an 18 month old, an almost 5 year old, and an 8 year old. Day care costs too much. Pre-school costs too much. It doesn't pay for my wife to get a job that's just going to be cancelled out by those costs. So, she stays home like those moms of yore and is actually raising our kids... What a concept!
She has a job. She has many jobs, actually. She's a mother, a wife, a pre-school teacher, and an extreme couponer. The last one saves us damn near $40,000 a year; that's a decent salary in today's economy! It could end up saving us nearly $60,000 yearly, if we play our coupons right. And she just started her own business as a Face and Body Painter.

Check out her site, she's awesome. All advertising aside, my wife is amazing, especially considering that she has, let's count, 5 jobs!
After being unemployed myself for 6 months, during which my wife worked for 3 months as a medical assistant, and consequently was fired for bogus reasons, I found a job that I hated. Then, only after I toiled day after day at a job that I absolutely abhorred, I found my current position (thanks to my wife's keen observation skills). I love my current day job. I love that my wife is at home with the kids. And we still struggle. But that's okay.
Hopefully, with her new venture, sometime in the near future, we will stop struggling. But there are always unforeseen dangers lurking in the shadows. It seems that every time we start to get ahead, we get taken back a few hundred steps. And there is no such thing as job security these days. Let's face it folks: inflation is still rising, interest rates suck, everyone's maxing out their credit, and the middle class is virtually gone.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just frustrated. But I am grateful that I have such a great wife! And I know better days are coming. Eventually, I will finish one of the screenplays that I've started to write.
I'm a college educated struggling writer. Funny thing is, that cliche used to mean something. Now we're all struggling [insert occupation here]! As a 35 year old father/husband, I should be getting ready to have a mid-life crisis. But I can't afford it! So I guess I'll just keep writing... And working at my day job... And promoting my wife's business.
ZD

My So Called Life?

I caught my wife watching re-runs of My So Called Life the other night. Okay, so I didn't really catch her; she watches them all of the time, and I usually end up watching them with her. But for my purposes here, I caught her! We both reflected on how we watched them in a completely different light back when they first aired, and we could remember exactly how we felt back then. She remarked how she remembers feeling exactly like Claire Danes' character. I began to think that that show really did do a great job of capturing the adolescent experience. And watching it today from the perspective of a parent, and a mature (sort of) adult, I see that the producers and director's really hit the nail on the head. Especially capturing the entire family dynamic, because now I identify more with the parents on the show. It's a shame that they cancelled it so quickly.

We then proceeded to watch the show Parenthood. Completely opposite end of the spectrum. It's a similar concept, but on a bigger scale with more of a focus on the parents, hence the name of the show... In this particular episode, one of the character's kids gets dumped by her boyfriend. Note that there was no cut and dry reason for the breakup. In today's terms we would say it's complicated. I could relate to the boyfriend's character. I actually empathized with the character, and felt sympathy for the female character. And all of a sudden, I felt myself getting a bit emotional, reflecting on former relationships of my own.

It's strange for me, because I was never dumped. I was never a Casanova, nor was I a player. I dated. I had some casual relationships. A few semi-serious relationships. Even had a couple of serious relationships before I started dating my wife. While reflecting on my past relationships, I realized a few things:

• Man was I insecure. I broke up with a girl because I figured it was only a matter of time before she dumped me, so I might as well just end it myself. 
• Man was I the jealous type. I broke up with another girl because I thought she was going to cheat on me, so I just ended it to avoid the impending infidelity!
• Man was I selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed. And apparently a little dense, too. I went from being in a fucked-up, co-dependent relationship where I was selfless to a fault; to being single, carefree, indulgent and self-absorbed. I casually dated a girl who I really liked after the fucked-up relationship, told myself (and her) that it wasn't a rebound (because it was just casual). But really I just wasn't ready to give up my new found freedom from co-dependence, even when I realized I was falling for her. What I thought were her mixed signals were me just being an idiot,  and not realizing that she really liked me too.
• Man was I immature. Plain and simple. I needed to grow up. Not just in my teens-even in my early 20s. Especially in my early 20s. But who wants to grow up then? That's the time for indulgence...

I've gained an interesting perspective on that period of my life. The times that I was a self-loathing hedonist, I was dealing with a lot of issues. But I had to go through them. All of them. The horrible jerk that I was to those relatively innocent girls has vanished. He was a necessary evil stepping stone on my path to adulthood. I am not trying to justify who I was, or how I acted. But at least I now know why.

Emotional maturity didn't come easy to me, but that's another topic completely. Maybe me being an asshole somehow helped some of these girls figure out the type of guy they didn't want to be with... Well, we've all grown up  (for the most part; mentally I'm still 18 sometimes!) I guess this is my half-assed version of an apology to them.

Resolutions, Rants and Revelations

Ok, so it's been a really friggin' long time since I've added a new post! It's the long awaited rant of a retail worker, a la Kevin Smith and Clerks: Since I've gone back to the retail end of seafood, I really have no legitimate complaints. I love my job. I'm actually paid what I'm worth (sort of) and I actually get the respect of a title (supervisor). I truly enjoy what I do. But with the good always comes the bad. For instance, there is the tried and true maxim of customer service: The customer is always right... and I amended it ...except when they're not!

With that in mind, here are a few of my favorite customer scenarios. I have taken to filing the scenarios and my reactions in a mental archive:

I love it when I ask a customer if I can help them, and they look right through me, even though we have made eye contact. 


I love it when I ask someone if they need help and the clearly hear me but ignore me. My response is always, "I guess not then!"


If you come up to my counter and you're talking on your cell phone, don't expect me to ask you for help. Put your fucking phone away, and then I'll gladly serve you.


If you come up to my counter and you're talking on your cell phone, don't use your eyes to try and get my attention. And if you continue to talk on your phone, don't get pissy that I don't ask you if you need help. You clearly don't need help. The market is not a place for multi-tasking. Hang up the fucking phone!


In the same vein, don't come up to my counter with your damned bluetooth headset on. I'm not going to know if you are talking to me or the voice in your ear. So I won't ask you if you need help. 


And to those of you who are in a rush and want to be served first, and quickly, here's a newsflash: I'm a quick study to body language. I'll make your visit to my counter last a fucking lifetime!


And for those of you who point to the tray and say, "I want that one." Guess what? I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE POINTING AT! Just tell me, 4th from you, or 4th from the case. We don't number what we sell, but I can count!


Oh, and for those of you in a rush asking for me to use a number system: Give yourself more fucking time to shop. Breathe. Take it easy. Why are you in such a hurry? It's not my fault!  I'm not the deli. 


You're on an honor system. If you cut in line when I say, "Who's next?" the person or people who have been waiting longest are going to know what a bitch you are. Deal with it when I take the person next to you instead!


Whew. I'm done for now. And seriously, I love my job. Without these pain-in-the-ass customers, I wouldn't have a job!

ZD

On Being Fashionably Late

I live at the Jersey Shore. No, not that God awful MTV show, but in central New Jersey very close to the beach. And today I have to make a trek out to Long Island, for a party that starts at 1:00 in the afternoon. Thankfully, the ritual of getting everyone ready in the morning fell upon the wife... I, on the other hand, went to pick up newspapers for my wife's coupon addiction and get the last minute wrapping paper and card. After performing our last minute preparations, we were only an hour behind schedule for our 3 hour trip. My conclusion for today's trip: No matter how much you prepare the night before, when you have 3 kids you are never going to leave on a trip on time! Oh, and Long Island really is long! God I love family road trips. Thank god for blogging!

So we ended up only being about 15 minutes late, despite our late departure and traffic. Just goes to show that being fashionably late is the way to go!

Traffic on way home, well that was a different story...

ZD

Life as I know it

Is about to change. Again. I just accepted a new job. One that is not as physically demanding as my current job, yet entails much more responsibility. I am ecstatic. I can't wait to start. I have also resumed editing that writing project that I just finished. So, without further ado, I have decided to publish it here first on my blog, as a serial. As I progress with the editing , I will post the most recently edited chapter. Any feedback or comments are appreciated! Happy reading, first chapter will be posted tomorrow!
ZD

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Does it have to make sense?

I have officially dismantled my personal blinker, and turned off my inner GPS. Kind of just going with life and whatever it throws at me right now. Like David Coverdale sang, "I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been." No more planning. Just doing. And trying not to repeat the same mistakes I've made in the past.

I am trying, however, to get back to my creative self. I'm not going confine myself to any one form any more. I think that's one of the things that has been holding me back creatively for quite some time now. Time to throw off the label of screenwriter and just write. Time to get back to simple story telling, without the formatting and all of the constraints of the industry. I hate to think that all of the work I have been doing for the past ten years has been in vain, but I know I will pillage from it as I see fit.  

So yes, I am done with trying to make sense of anything anymore... because not everything is meant to be demystified.
ZD

Mr. Mom is Dead!

Yes, it's true. I buried Mr. Mom last week. I joined the working class again on Wednesday. Not exactly my dream job, but it will do for now. I started a new blog for my wife's grandfather, a memoir recollecting the horrors of being a Hungarian Jew during the Nazi regime. The site is in English, but the posts are in Hungarian. I'm working on getting the posts translated into English, so bear with me. Check out the site here.

In other news, I'm trying to figure out what my next move is going to be. I interviewed with a company for a position that I thought I would be perfect for, and I am still waiting to hear back from them. I made it to a second interview, at the end of which I was told that it was down to me and one other person for the job. The other person had yet to have his second interview, so I was told to hang tight. So I am, and I am anxious as hell to find out what the hell is going on. If it doesn't pan out, it wasn't meant to be. I think it will be the universe telling me to keep writing, and apparently keep cutting fish, too!

So, I am going to try and keep up the blogging, at least three times a week. Trying to figure out what writing project will be next... Kicking around some new ideas, concepting a new business with my wife, who is now back at home with the kids (an unfortunate yet happy situation landed her back in the homemaker  position).

Until next time,
ZD.

Defining who I am

Stay-at-home-dad who is a writer. That sentence defines who I am. Let's look at it: Stay-at-home definitely implies that I never leave the house. Well, that's not true. Just not during the day... Then we have dad. This one is easy. I am a dad. I have three wonderful children who I adore and love to death. Sometimes, I want to strangle them. But I don't, because I'm not psychotic. Who refers to whom the sentence is referring to: Me. A grown up child who acts like a Dad as his  environment dictates it. Is a writer... I don't always act like one, but I am a writer by society's standards. I type and scribble, therefore I am... a writer!

If we put it all together, we have the following:
A semi-agoraphobic hermit, grown up child cares for his children who he adores most of the time and despises the rest, pretends to work from home as a writer because periodically he types gibberish into a word processor and scribbles ideas on memo pads.

Whew. How's that for self-actualization!
ZD

Mr. Momday/Staying Power

Looks like I'm here to stay... as Mr. Mom! I can't afford to pay for daycare, and I need that to go back to work. So here I stay, leeching off of unemployment and looking for ways to make money as a stay-at-home-dad. The universe apparently wants me to stay at home with my kids. I'm seriously contemplating running a home preschool. Just to give Kid B a chance to make friends, socialize, learn some more of what I try to teach her anyway but in a more structured environment. And make a little money on the side. While I'm doing it, I'm going to blog about it. As a matter of fact, I'm going to switch gears in this blog and go full on Zen Diablo's Devils and Angels Preschool at least once a week! Catchy, huh? Well, I'm still working on the name. And an ad for Craigslist. And a lesson plan. It's actually pretty fun.

At first I toyed with the idea of a daddy daycare, but let's face it: I am not one of those people who can deal with someone else's kids for eight to ten hours a day. Shit, after that amount with my own kids alone I want to go outside and scream at the top of my lungs half the time! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. But let's be real, sometimes it can get frustrating. So, I changed my mind and thought, "Hmmm, maybe preschool, but in smaller doses than normal daycare/preschool." More like four hour preschool sessions, complete with music, art, story time, recess, games, and even snack time. I can only take on two or three kids plus my own. For four hours a day, I think I can handle it. A little bit of fun and games, and lots of learning. Hey, maybe that will be my slogan.

I don't know. I'm tired. It's 2:00AM right now... this is the only time I get to write. It's too hectic during the day with the kids and the new house to write! I've taken to using the digital recorder on my phone to start posts, but I never seem to get back to finishing them. Maybe now I will. Until next time, when I will hopefully be promoting my new endeavor...

ZD

Mr. Momday/UPDATE

Well, my days as a stay-at-home-dad are numbered.
That's right,  I will no longer be able to compare myself to Michael Keaton's character in Mr. Mom. Of course, I know I'm still better looking, and I'm not the bumbling idiot he portrayed in the movie! With that stated, I had a second interview that just changed everything for me. And I must say, it's bittersweet. I love being home with the kids, and I am trying to make it a reality where I can stay home and generate an income. Even when I go back to work outside of the home, I will still be working on coming back to being a stay-at-home-dad. That's right, you read it here, I actually want to keep doing this. As soon as it's lucrative to do so, I'll return home. And stay home.

So for a while, I'll just be another opinionated father/husband/writer, ranting and raving about everything, anything and nothing. This Mr. Momday post will continue, and it will probably float around the week. And fret not, there may be longer breaks between posts because I am in the middle of packing and moving. After the first of the month, things should settle down and I'll be back to semi-regular posts, probably three a week. Maybe more if I'm feeling frisky!

Today was a strange day. Kid A was off from school for Presidents' Day. We spent the first half of the day packing up the playroom. Let me tell you, packing toys with kids is fun. Believe it or not, amidst the Don't throw that out (Kid B to me),  Are you packing or playing? (me to Kid A and B), and the various noises from Kid C we actually manage to get about three quarters of the room done. Then, since it was such a nice day out, they went outside. It was the first nice day of pre-Spring, hopefully an omen of good weather to come!


Suburbia really isn't that bad.
I had my first taste of the neighborhood as a dad today. Everyone was out. All of the kids were playing up and down the street. And I didn't freak out. I left my OCD, phobias of lunatic neighbors and strangers, and the rest of my neurosis inside. Kid C and I took a walk; I pushed him in his umbrella stroller, up and down the street until he fell asleep. Kid A played with his friends, Kid B tagged along, and they both made some new friends along the way. It's a shame we're moving. Oh well, they can always come back to play with their friends, and vice versa. Thankfully, we're not moving far away... I'm sure the new neighborhood will be just as friendly.

The new house awaits.

The view from the back.

Do you think we overdid it?

Ok, so the pics above are really of Marc Ecko's place in Bernardsville. Regardless, I am really looking forward to moving and finally putting real roots down. The kids will have their own rooms. I'll have my own space, even though I have to make it myself in the two-car garage. The kids will also have a playroom. Finally, a place we can call our own!

People Piss Me Off, or Have Manners Gone by the Wayside?

It has been said that chivalry is dead. I think manners are too. Being polite just doesn't seem cool anymore. I notice it more and more in public. At restaurants. In grocery stores. At doctor's offices. In department stores.

I see it mostly in the grocery store. Dueling carts. I'm going one way down the aisle, the other person is coming down the aisle from the opposite direction. It's like a game of chicken. No one wants to say the dreaded phrase, excuse me  or pardon me.  What the fuck? Don't look at me like I have three heads when I say it to you! Say excuse me too, you're excused, that's okay, or go ahead and get over it. I say it. I say it all the time. If I don't, it's a stare-down. People are anti-social freaks. They're afraid to talk to each other. And they lack manners.

It's especially funny when it's the whole family in the store. The wife is pushing the cart with Kid C sitting in the toddler seat. I'm trailing behind with Kid A and B. All of a sudden, we spot them: two people walking towards us pushing carts. They can barely fit down the aisle to pass each other. Then there is a stack of merchandise sitting on the floor by the shelves. And us. So the question is, Who's going to say excuse me first? The wife and I play a game in the store, seeing if anyone will actually say it. I'm going to venture a guess and say that 95% of people don't say a damn thing. Especially not excuse me. Even when they practically run into you because they're talking on the phone or not paying attention when they round a corner.

Then you have the people at restaurants. I have worked in restaurants as a waiter. I have worked in retail behind a counter, serving people. Politeness and manners go a long way in the service industry. If you gave me your order, chances are, I am going to give you what you want. I always tried to give good service with a smile and a thank you, because it makes it so much easier for both of us.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, or I spent too much time in the business. But when I go out to eat, I say please and thank you. I say it when I order. I say thank you when I receive my food. I say please when I ask for a refill on my drink. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe it's my OCD.

Shit people. These things are drilled into our heads when we're kids. Do we forget them? Has society failed to recognize the good in being polite and practicing good manners? Nobody gives a shit any more. Excpet my wife and I. I'll be damned to raise kids that don't say please, thank you, and excuse me!

Half-Assed Weekend Post: The things they do to get your money!

So the wife and I are getting our shit together so that we can get pre-approved for a mortgage. It's time to buy a house, considering that we have three kids and a dog! We are doing the obligatory cleansing of our credit, paying down balances on credit cards, clearing up discrepancies on our credit reports. Lo and behold, we get a letter in the mail from a collector for my wife during the process. It's for a Victoria's Secret credit card she swears she paid off before we even started dating, which would have to be about fourteen years ago. The thing doesn't even show up on her credit reports. That's not the funniest part though. I am bewildered at the lengths these collections companies will go to, especially when trying to get you to pay them for a debt that isn't even valid. Which is why I guess this all makes sense. You see, they sent her a four page catalogue of products she could get for free if she pays off her alleged debt, A.K. A. completion of their Gift Reward Program. So this is how valueless debt gets rewarded? You'd have to be a complete moron to fall for this scam. But, I figured I'd put up some snapshots of the catalogue and pics of my favorite items in it. 

Pay off your debt that is not even showing up on any of the three credit reports, and you can get one of these! There's also a Nintendo Wii and a Dyson Vacuum cleaner. I should report these freaks to the Better Business Bureau! Just found this little nugget on the web.
Rjm Acquisitions Llc.  I guess I was right!
ZD

Friggin' Friday Post: How to Choose Fresh Seafood

So, my new Friday post is going to be the Friggin' Friday post, kind of a free-for-all, free form post. It's like the bastard child of Simple Dude's Half-Assed Weekend Post, which I have also adopted.

Only Friggin' Friday has just a little more thought put into it. You never know what I'm going to write about. So today, I'm going to cheat and point you to my Helium article:

HeliumHow to choose fresh seafood

Mr. Momday/Venting

Parenting Venting from the Male Perspective
Okay, so this post is a few days late. So sue me! Here it is: I love my kids, but I need to go back to work! Right now, the highlight of my week is being able to run to the store by myself when the wife gets home from work. That's right. Me time equals grocery shopping. Or when everyone else is asleep, and I hop on the computer to write. That's when I'm not too tired and pass out on the couch watching TV.

My week has its structure: Monday, Wednesday and Friday I clean the house from top to bottom. I start early, feed the kids, send Kid A off to the bus, drink my breakfast (coffee and a smoothie) all while cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, disinfecting, etc. I'm usually done by noon. By then it's craft time for Kid B, and then lunch time. Nap time for Kid C comes next and after that Kid A gets off the bus and it's homework, snack, cleanup time and then I make dinner most weeknights. Tuesday and Thursday  are laundry days. Not having a working vehicle restricts me to the house-especially on laundry day! Once that changes I will be sooo much happier. I may sound like I'm bitching. Well, I am... It's bittersweet. If I could stay home with the kids and make money from home, I would be in heaven!

The strange thing about it all is this: I do have a job offer looming over my head. It's a matter of getting the second car fixed (happening next week) and finding daycare or a nanny. Kid B and C need a caregiver during the day, and I also need someone to get Kid A on the bus watch all of them when Kid A gets home from school. The offer seems to be real, but I also feel like I'm getting strung along. The fact that it hasn't started yet is a blessing in disguise, with the transportation and daycare issues.

Ironically, I know someone who is willing to be our nanny, or rather manny. At the same time, I am wondering if I just haven't been resourceful enough to figure this all out without me going back to work outside of the home. I know that there is something I can do... some way for me to work for myself and take care of the kids... Well, there's always tutoring. And of course, because I am not a certified teacher, I am a little fish in a sea of big fish. So basically, I'm fucked.

So, what do I do? Embrace my role as a stay-at-home-dad, and make my living on the internet doing some kind of niche blogging, monetize, etc., and continue my creative writing while I play house and raise the kids? Or do I go back to the seafood industry and switch from retail to wholesale and sell my soul to another devil? Hmmmm.

(Vague) Transitions... A.D.D. Blogtweeting

As a writer, I sometimes struggle with transitions. I write stand-alone scenes or chapters, and agonize over how to fit it all together. As a father and husband, transitions can be frustrating, wonderful, scary, but welcome. But it's always nice to prepare for transitions, rather than just thrusting yourself into one. Someone once said, "Change is good." But change can be terrifying. Especially if you have a horrible fear of the unknown. Because that is what comes with change, after the transition. Starting the transition is hard, but finishing it...

I babble. Incessantly. I know. Not necessarily musing. More like A.D.D. Blogtweeting.  I think I just invented a new word. Or maybe it's out there already. Who knows?! Maybe I'll google it. Some day, this will all be dialogue in some epic [horrible comedy] movie I write.


Wtf Graphics & Funny Wtf Pictures

Right now, I am trying to embrace change. I am trying to initiate a smooth transition into the next chapter of my life. I am ecstatic about it! But I am also a little scared. It's a healthy amount of fear. But I know that the next chapter is one of stability and relative certainty. I am sick of instability, volatility, and uncertainty. I am ready to breath a sigh of relief and finish tip-toeing around on eggshells.

One thing is certain: I love my wife and kids. That will never change. Places may change, jobs may change, but love, family, and dreams are forever.

So at the risk of sounding trite, I turn to some literary allusions: I am ready to cross the next bridge. I will not burn it, but I am done mending fences. And should you come looking for me, I'll be on the road less traveled, because goddamn it, it's more fun there!

I'm looking forward to moving on. And in this case, moving on means moving forward. So in essence, I'm looking forward to moving forward. Mumbo jumbo.
ZD

Dueling Conversations/Racy Commercials

The wife and I have a unique way of having conversations these days. I love it when she tells me about work. I really do. Because for so long, she didn't have that. She gets so excited and animated when she talks about it. It's great; I'm genuinely happy for her... But after she's done, and I start to tell her something that's on my mind, she goes back to the other conversation. I'm sorry, I thought we were done with that conversation! So I let her finish, and then I go back to what I was saying, and I feel like an idiot. By no means am I minimizing what she has to say. But, can I get just one word in?  And then there are the times where we are having a dual conversation; I love talking about two things at once, as long as we can both follow each other! The other night, she was telling me something about work (big surprise) and I was talking about (gasp) writing. I was listening to her. I think she was listening to me. And yes, this happens a lot now that she is working again, and I am not.  The best is when we ask one another about a detail of the conversation we [thought] we were having with one another, and the questionee has no idea what the questioner is talking about. Sometimes we get pissed off at each other for not paying attention. Most of the time though, we end up laughing about it. On a positive note, we will never run out of things to talk about! I secretly look forward to the dueling conversation!

On a different note

These POM Wonderful commercials are pretty damn provocative. Sensual. Racy even. Especially for American television. I've seen a lot of risque European commercials, but these POM Wonderful commercials are really going up to the line and dancing on it. Personally, I like them. I think they're great. I hate censorship. I actually want to give kudos to the writer and director of these commercials. I'll have to pay attention to when they air and what channels they air on... Naaah, fuck it. I'll just put the videos in below.

Mr. Momday: Parenting from the Male Perspective

I just started this whole Mr. Mom thing. I'm going into week four. And I have a job interview this week. I don't know if I want to give up being a stay-at-home dad just yet. But unemployment isn't exactly the fast-track up the ladder of success. It's bittersweet. On one hand, I love being home with the kids. I don't mind cleaning the house. I don't mind doing the laundry. I enjoy it for the most part. On the other hand, my brain is turning to mush. I do miss working. Having more than just a few seconds of the day to myself (other than the quiet time of the day (night) when everyone else is sleeping kind of sucks! But I'm getting what most dads don't: Time to watch the kids grow up. So many fathers work their asses off, go home eat dinner, work a second job, go home and pass out. They see their kids at dinner and on the weekends if they're lucky. Other dads are just plain workaholics because it's in their blood. So they become weekend warriors. I want the best of both worlds. I have got to find a way to actually get paid to work from home, not just write my blog and screenplay when the kids are napping or when the whole family is sleeping. Dammit I need to make money so that we can move on up to the East Side!

On another note:
Kid C is really digging his new found independence feeding himself. Cheerios are his new favorite food. He's also chowing down on raviolis, pastina and peas, and yogurt. The dog is his new best friend. She gets all of his randomly dropped scraps, and she loves cleaning his highchair when he is done eating. His diapers, on the other hand, well... Let's just say I wish I could go back to baby food!

And now for something completely different:
I can't wait to get my second car fixed and back on the road. Then I won't feel exiled here at home with Kid B & Kid C while the wife is at work. Another week or so, and my banishment will be lifted. Thank god! Funny thing is, I'll be getting the minivan, and the wife will be getting the second car (Subaru Forester). I've grown to miss the Subaru, but I dig the Chrysler Town & Country that I bought last year for my wife. Guess I have turned into Mr. Mom all excited about driving the Swagger Wagon!

My Ride



Okay, so my swagger wagon isn't exactly as nice as the one pictured above! And, I may have to think about a newer car to replace the Subaru pretty soon, too. First things first, though. Need to get it back on the road again so that we can all  be mobile!

Zen and mush...

I'm trying to figure out what to do with this blog and where to take it... But right now, after week three of being with the kids, my brain has turned to mush. So this is my Half-Assed Weekend Post, a little early.





Kudos to Simple Dude for the idea. His blog is hilarious, check him out if you haven't yet. So on to my whining... Is it turning into a parenting blog? It sure seems that way. Did I intend it to be so? No, not really. But, when you're immersed in it for 24 hours a day, it seems that you just can't turn it off.  And since I am not the same escapist I used to be, there's no real way to run away from it, or at least get away from it for a little while. The big and small issues of parenting are always on your mind (and sex of course! I AM a guy) except when they are asleep (and being with the kids all week serves as a great form of birth control).
So I am trying to plan out what type of posts to do during the week, as to not be redundant with my ramblings and whining about the kids. Maybe a reflective memoir will be one day's post. Could be a way for me to become Zen-like, by recalling my past adventures/mis-adventures. One day may be devoted to the music that I'm listening to, which is definitely eclectic, ranging from old blues to dub-step and indie rock, with everything in between-except for maybe rap and country (sorry, not into it). Monday will be my Mr. Momday, dedicated to some topic relating to parenting from the male perspective.  
So help me out and tell me what you might want to read about. Tell me what you think of the posts you're reading here. Give me some feedback. Email me  Leave me comments. Join my Facebook fan page. Leave me comments there. Follow me on Twitter @zendiablo76. Tweet me. Join as a follower of this blog and comment here...
It's time to get the family ready for Story Time at the local Barnes and Noble, so in the vein of being a truly Half-Assed Weekend Post, adios and have a good weekend.

Perpetuating myths/baby food

I am the Tooth Fairy.



I am also Santa Claus.



And the Easter Bunny.


It's a very dangerous job perpetuating these myths. Every time I perform an act under the guise of one of these beloved characters, I run the risk of getting caught. Especially the damned tooth fairy. Whoever said, "You know, I think we should tell kids to put their recently lost teeth under their pillows, and then we'll go take said teeth and leave money in their place?" Because quite frankly, I'd like to punch them in the face. Not because it costs me money, in fact this is cheap. No, because I run the risk of being caught by Kid A. Someone else said, "Let sleeping dogs lie." I think we should heed that advice and apply it to our children too! 'Cuz man, when they find out the truth, they're gonna be pissed!

On a different note
Kid C decided last night that he no longer wants to be fed pureed jarred baby food. The wife cut up some spaghetti last night and put a little cream sauce on it for him, and he had a blast feeding himself. So, how exciting for me, I now get to create new and exciting foods from normal human stuff for him to gnosh on with his three teeth. Especially at breakfast, because Gerber Graduates Snacks like puffs, lil' crunchers and yogurt melts just aren't going to cut it for breakfast. On a positive note, that's less money I'm going to be spending on jarred baby food now and less time I'll actually be feeding him! ! I guess it's time for more stage three foods...

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Mr. Momday/Cable Update

Ok, so I've decided to re-vamp the blog, and combine my other blog with this one. It's just too much to try and write two blogs and a screenplay at the same time. So, with that said, Mondays will henceforth by Mr. Momday posts. Since my last rant about the pain-in-the-ass cable company, I took matters into my own hands. After bitching on the phone to every rep they gave me while getting the runaround from them all day the day before, I dsecided to just return the new boxes to a local office. Twenty minutes after I got home from my field trip to the cable payment center, my replacement boxes actually worked! 

Today I was watching PBS Kids with Kid B. The cartoon Franny's Feet was on. For those not familiar, this is the premise: Franny hangs out with her Grandpa at his shop all day. He's a shoemaker. People come in and drop their shoes off, Franny takes the shoes and puts them on, then proceeds to have an imagined adventure. Her feet take her somewhere new every time. At the end of the adventure, the shoes have actually been fixed. So, my issue is this: Are we teaching our kids that it's okay to wear other people's shoes? Kind of disgusting if you ask me. I know it's just a cartoon, and she's not really putting them on, but the kids watching it don't know that. Point to  ponder. Check out an episode below. It really is a cute show.

And while we're on the subject of kids shows, what's up with Max and Ruby on Nick Jr? Where the hell are their parents? Nobody knows. Thank god Grandma lives next door!

On another note:

My wife left her cell phone at home today completely by accident. I realized how much we take text messaging for granted. Several times today, I went to text her about something that happened, or something that I wanted to mention to her. But I realized Duh, you can't! Even though she's at work every Monday through Friday, I missed her more today because I wasn't in contact with her at all today. Not that we text each other every other minute, but she sends me messages when something funny happens at the pee-pee doctor's office, and I text her shopping lists at the end of the day, or other stupid shit. The funny thing is, we'll actually have something to talkabout when she gets home tonight!

Lazy Blogging/Cable Rant

I have just become the world's laziest blogger. That's right, I'm not even typing anymore. Voice to text recognition on my HTC Droid Incredible right into Evernote is amazing. It's got some minor drawbacks; not every word is well recognized perfectly but it works. I still have to do some editing and minor proofreading but I am freakin' amazed. I now have absolutely no reason not to blog. My posts will never be too short because I'm too tired to type.

So on to bigger and better things. I need to rant. I recently ordered a new digital cable service from a local cable company. Reasonable and competitively priced products, I was excited about the new service. But it came time to receive the boxes, which I ordered via telephone and paid for priority/overnight shipping, and I waited and waited... Apparently priority/overnight shipping is actually three day shipping. The same type of shipping I would have gotten for  1/3 of the price. Hmmm. The boxes finally arrive on that third day, and I proceed to perform a self-installation. Simple, I've done it several times before. It doesn't take a genius to connect coaxial cable to the cable in and from the cable out to the tv(yeah I still have CRT TVs)... Oh, and you can't forget the power cords.


To make a long story short, I lost a day of my life to the idiots at this cable company, because their hardware  came pre-installed with the wrong software! All day I have a screaming baby, a grumpy toddler, and an ever-increasing headache as I wait on the phone and troubleshoot (the same way over and over) with the idiots on the phone from the cable company. All day, to find out that the damn software is wrong. So now, I need a tech to come out, and he won't be out until Thursday. It's Monday. These fucking boxes should be working. I received them at 10:25AM. They should have been activated and I should have been watching the fucking Price is Right at 11:00! At 4:30PM, I hang up the phone, disgusted beyond belief. 


I'll hopefully be getting a phone call at 8:30AM from a very nice supervisor from Cherry Hill in regards to my expedited service call. I'll also be receiving a generous credit on my first 6 months of bills, or HBO free for a year. Whichever, I'll take it. It's a good thing I can entertain my kids without the boob tube, but man I love my DVR!

So Much For Resolutions

It's been a few days, and obviously I have already broken one of my resolutions. Oh well, fuck 'em. Never did like resolving to do much of anything. I either do something, or I don't. So, I now resolve to stop making trivial promises to myself. Committing to do something is one thing, and making resolutions is another thing, a stupid thing. So, I'm beginning to fall back on the old Nike slogan: Just do it. So, I'm committing to finishing my first film treatment this week. Yeah, holy shit, I'm giving myself a deadline.  It's about time. I have three other projects I need to finish as well, so now's the time.

On a side note, I've been checking out some new Indie acts like Menomena, Florence and the Machine, and Mumford & Sons. 

Check out some of their You Tube videos below.

Menomena

Florence and the Machine

Mumford and Sons

Alright, this has officially been my Half-Assed Weekend Post. Kudos to Simple Dude in a Complex World. Check out his blog.

Day One

So far, pretty painless. Delayed opening for Kid A, Kid B cried when Mommy left this morning and then wanted to stay in her bed indefinitely, and Kid C won't take his bottle or eat anything. It's only 12:30 PM, so there is still hope for him. He's going to get hungry! Kid B is okay now, she actually ventured out, ate breakfast, and is playing with her dolls. After repeated attempts at feeding Kid C, I've given up. He'll let me know when he's hungry. I think he is really missing Mommy...

It seems as though Kid C is off schedule by about four hours. It's 2:30 and he just decided to eat breakfast. He took a short nap and then finished his morning bottle. He doesn't seem to want me to put him down for more than 3 seconds, but that's going to be put to an end pretty soon. I understand that this is a transition, so he may be a little needy, so I won't Ferber him or anything! But, in the long run, after this transitional phase is over, shit has to get done. He will not be 10 months old sitting on my hip half of the day. Time to plan dinner.

I actually got a couple of things done today: I brushed the dog and went through a pile of bills and paperwork.

Kid C is finally napping. It's 5:30 and I need to make dinner. One little problem: He's napping on me. Kid A did his homework. Kid B didn't die of boredom, though she has asked when Mommy is coming home a half dozen times (at least).

Big plus: Kids A, B and C are all still alive, and I haven't burned the house down... Yet! My wife should be calling any minute to say she is on her way home. As soon as I make dinner, I'll consider today a success!

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Reviews & Resolutions

I have never made a New Year's resolution list in the past. I always thought they were stupid. Yeah, there were a few years where I said I was going to quit smoking, but that never lasted more than a couple of hours. Why start this year? Because this year needs to be better than last. Last year's highlight was the birth of my youngest son. It was a shining moment, he is my shooting star.  And then there was the lowest point, when I got the boot from my job.

So now it's time to make those changes I bitched about before. So, here it is:

• Write every day.
• Get into shape. I got the P90X DVDs, lets see if I have what it takes!
• Finish the screenplay (and start a new one)!
• Sell the screenplay.
• Get paid to write.
• Start re-paying the student loans off (deferment only prolongs the pain).
• Spend more time with the family (I think I have that one covered).
• Travel more.
• Laugh more.
• Save money.
• And last but not least, buy a house!

I don't think it's an unattainable list of resolutions. We'll see. If you see a new post on either of my blogs every day, you'll know my first resolution is being kept!

This is it!

Well, this is it... Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! No, no, just kidding. Tomorrow is the first day of Mr. Momdom. That's right. My wife is going back to work, and my unemployed ass is going to be doing housework and watching the kids. I'm pretty sure I'm qualified for the job, but I may require a lobotomy by the end of the day. I'm going to call it a week before my brain turns to mush from being home by myself with them.

I am not saying that I don't like my kids. I love them. But I have always been the breadwinner. And I've been the one to come home and say, "YOU go to work all day and see how it feels..." The tables have turned. My wife is grinning from ear to ear, knowing that I now get to see how she has lived for the past year, taking care of the kids, being stuck at home all day with no other real adult interaction.  Haha, the last laugh is on me. I know.

I'm going to make sure dinner is ready for her when she gets home from work. I may still have my apron on when she walks through the door!

Postmodern Neo-Hippies of the World Unite!

So, here it is. I'm starting over. It's a new year. I'm letting it all hang out. I used to consider myself to be a neo-hippie. I had long hair, went to jam band concerts, smoked weed, wore tye-died t-shirts. Yes, I saw the Grateful Dead when Jerry was still alive! And I'm very proud of that. Now, I'm not that different. I don't smoke weed any more. I shave my head, even though I have a full head of hair. Why? Because it's a no maintenance do. And I'm vain, and I'd probably never leave the house if I had hair long enough to have to actually brush, gel, or style. I'm not a tree-hugging liberal. I'm not a tea partier. I'm not a dirty neo-hippie (I shower sometimes twice a day). I'm not a chauvinist, nor a misogynist. I love my wife, and she loves me. We just switched places professionally. I just took on the domestic role, and she is now about to take on the bread-winning role.

Yes, I will be keeping up with Days of Our Lives. I will be seeing my 7-year old son off to school (Kid A). I will be taking care of my 9-month old son (Kid C), and my 4-year old daughter (Kid B). I will be making lunch for everyone, and preparing and cooking dinner most days.

So now, I'm re-labeling myself: I am now a postmodern neo-hippie because I'm not part of the establishment anymore. I grew up, but didn't turn into a friggin' neo-yuppie. I almost did, with my stint in advertising. But alas, I'm now unemployed, staying at home, honing my skills as a father and blogger (gasp)! Maybe I'll even finish my screenplay if my ass can come up with a damned ending. Maybe that should be one of my resolutions in addition to doing the whole P90X thing. Oh well. I guess we'll see!